More childhood torture...

Is it just me or does everyone hate book week?

Yes! Yes! Yes! I know it’s all about literacy and good wholesome reading and expanding the little blighters minds (which is all very well) but why does it aleays have to include a dress up day? I hate dress ups! I really hate them.

Recently for book week Jemima had to be a mouse…can’t remember the book they’re reading at the moment, something about a bossy mother mouse…but anyway…she had to be a mouse.

Mum and I suggested a black leotard and a few eyeliner marks across the cheeks…someone else suggested a stuffed stocking tail…Jemima just looked at us like we were the most pathetic excuse for guardians to ever draw breath.

Nothing was good enough…and we’re not even sure what she ended up doing…because with a look of disgust she just packed her own bag and toddled off to the book week parade under her own steam….

So I’m hoping she was up to mouse union standards…but I can’t tell you for sure…

Milli, thankfully took the easy way out and just wore her pj’s…year seven’s they’re a bit too cool for book week.

Some parents are great at costumes…You know who you are! You just love it, don’t you? Spending ages at spotlight getting all the right gear, making your little reader actually look like a mouse, instead of a nine year old in a leotard who doesn’t have a make up mirror at home!

Loathing book week dress ups is a tradition in my family.

Jenny Hadley was an only child. She lived three doors down from me. I had to walk to school with this girl every day. In grade three, which was about 1976, Jenny Hadley’s mum drove to Busselton to hire Jenny a Princess Costume! Did you get that? To HIRE the little princess her very own PRINCESS COSTUME!

It was the same year my Mum put me in one of Gran’s dresses, handed me the mop and told me to tell the teacher I was Sadie the Cleaning Lady…is there a book about Sadie??? My brother she told to wear his school tracksuit and say he was Herb Elliot. Is Herb Elliot a well known children’s book character??

More mad dads!

Is it just me or does everyone just love a mad dad?

All this week at MIX FM we’re talking about Mad Dad’s…I know tonnes!

My friend Brendan’s dad Gerald is a classic…a very dry farmer…man of few words…

Brendan reckons that once when he was a kid, their dog 'Shep' was sniffing around in the shed, when she got into the ratsak…

The kids weren’t sure how much Shep had eaten, but it wasn’t pretty.

Poor old Shep was coughing and spluttering, foaming at the mouth and trying as hard as she could to get away from the kids (it's horrible if you've ever seen a poisoned dog … but she obviously thought she was going to die). Anyway, the four kids started screaming to their Dad who came running from behind the house.

Brendan claims his dad took one look at Shep, picked her up by the back legs and started giving her the biggest dizzy wizzy the kids had ever seen.

Around and around they went, with Gerald screaming ‘get outta the way kids!’ as the turning circle got more and more erratic…

Nothing was going to stop Gerald, around and around they went!

Brendan reckons he was stunned silent, the little kids started crying, "Stop Daddy! Stop! You're hurting Shep!" Brendan’s Mum Cecily started with a cautious “Gerry....Gerald!” But round and round went Gerald and Shep, and just as Cecily got really serious”Gerald….that’s quite enough!” Down they went…dog and dad sprawled in the dirt!

Miraculously, Shep stood up and chundered! Vomitted absolutely everything in her stomach…including the ratsak!

And to this day that mad dad is a family hero, for the day he gave a dizzy wizzy to the dog…

Sole Savers...

Is it just me or is everyone constantly surprised at how little it takes to make a difference?

We’ve been talking for a while about Sole Savers, Dr Robi Sondereggers quest to gather 50 thousand pairs of shoes from the Sunshine Coast to donate to children of war in Northern Uganda.

The United Nations describes Northern Uganda as the most dangerous place in the world for a child to live. Kofi Annan says what’s going on there is the world’s worst unattended emergency.

This week, work places across the Sunshine Coast have got involved, with employees donating a pair of shoes and ten dollars for the kids.

But we’re still thousands short of 50 thousand…we’re not even close unfortunately..

However…there are some great stories coming through…

Dr Robi told me yesterday about a woman called Averil Wilcox, the mother of a student at the Sunshine Coast Grammar School. When Averil heard about Sole Savers she wanted to get involved, so she did the only thing she could think of, she walked into her local shoe shop …creatively titled The Cooroy Shoe Shop to see whether they had anything to donate. Apparently without blinking an eye, the new owner (the store has just recently changed hands), handed Averil more than 600 brand new pairs of shoes…valued at more than $7000.

Robi said Averil’s living room is now piled to the ceiling with hundreds of small blessings to help the children of war walk tall.

Isn’t that incredible? It only takes one person to make a huge difference

Remember…if you’d like to help Robi help these kids…you can donate a pair of shoes and ten dollars to any first national real estate office on the sunshine coast…to any network communications store or family challenge in Mountain Creek…

To find out more, try www.thefrontline.org.au

They also breed!

Is it just me or does everyone love a goose?

In the lead up to the state election, I have been sent an email concerned about who exactly is going to decide which party will lead this great state…it’s titled, ‘They also vote!’

A guy my brother knew bought a new fridge. To get rid of the old one, he put it in his front yard and stuck a sign on it saying: "Free to good home".

For three days the fridge sat there without even one person looking twice at it. Since it obviously looked to good to be true, he changed the sign to read: "Fridge for sale $50". The next day someone stole it.

Caution. These people Vote =======

One of the secretaries at work was complaining about being sunburnt after driving through the hinterland at the weekend…It turns out she drove around in a convertible, with the top down, but "didn't think she'd get sunburned because the car was moving". . . . . . . .

She ALSO votes!

I was hanging out with my sister when we saw a woman with a nose ring attached to an earring by a chain. My sister said, "Wouldn’t the chain rip out every time she turned her head?" I explained that a person's nose and ear remain the same distance apart no matter which way the head is turned. . . . .

My sister ALSO votes!

Once, I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I went to the service desk and told the woman there that my bags hadn’t arrived. She smiled and told me not to worry…she’d sort it out in no time…. "Now," she asked me, "has your plane arrived yet?” . . . . . . . .

SHE ALSO votes!

When I was working for a pizza place a man came in and ordered a small pizza to go, I asked him if he’d like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He though about it for a second then said, "Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I’m hungry enough to eat 6 pieces.

Yep, he votes too!

Waving the flag!

Is it just me or does everyone think the only way to harmony in Australia is if we all make an effort to be generous of spirit?

In Sydney, a 17 year old boy with links to the Lebanese community has been ordered to apologise to a group of diggers, face to face, for stealing an Australian flag from their RSL at Brighton and setting fire to it, during the so called Cronulla Riots last year.

The thing about the burning a flag is that it is intended to hurt. It’s a way for someone show contempt for the country which flies that flag.

In some countries - flag-burning is regarded as the greatest sacrilege – something you could be flogged or stoned for. Maybe even worse.

In Australia, I’m happy to say we’re a little different. Yesterday, in a Sydney court, magistrate Jane Baptie gave this misguided 17 year old a chance to redeem himself.

As his punishment for stealing and burning the flag, the boy has been ordered to go to the RSL at Brighton, make a good apology to the members, to tell them why he did what he did, then to listen as they tell him what the Australian flag means to them

The twist in the tale though, is that according to newspaper reports, the diggers aren’t interested.

Overwhelmingly, those interviewed yesterday said they had no time for the boy, they thought the sentence was too light, they didn’t want to hear his story and they certainly wouldn’t be buying him a beer.

I think that’s sad. Like I said, the only way to peace is to try to see the world from another man’s point of view. It's time for some give and take; the giving of a sincere apology, and its generous acceptance.

That way, there’s something in it for all of us.

Our soldiers...

Is it just me or does everyone think we should never forget the soldiers who risk their lives everyday for us?

There is an email doing the rounds at the moment which was sent to me by a girl who has one brother stationed in Iraq at the moment, and one about to go to East Timor…

The email was written by the daughter of a Soldier:

Last week I was in Melbourne attending a conference. While I was in
the airport, returning home, I heard several people behind me
beginning to clap and cheer.

Moving through the terminal was a group of soldiers in their uniforms,
as they began heading to their gate everyone (well almost everyone)
jumped to their feet with their hands waving and cheering.

I too immediately stopped and began clapping for these young
unsung heroes who are putting their lives on the line everyday for
us so we can go to school, work, and enjoy our home without fear or
reprisal.

Just when I thought I could not be more proud of my country or of
our service men and women a young girl, not more than 6 or 7 years
old, ran up to one of the male soldiers.

He knelt down and said hi to the little girl, she then asked him if he would give something to
her daddy for her.

The young soldier didn't look any older than
maybe 22 himself, but said he would try. With her mum behind her saying, “Go on…give it to him…” the little girl grabbed the neck of this soldier, gave him the biggest hug she could muster and then kissed him on the cheek.

The mother of the little girl, who said her daughters name was
Courtney, told the young soldier that her husband was a Corporal
and had been in Afghanistan for 11 months now. As the mum was
explaining how much her daughter, Courtney, missed her father, the
young soldier began to tear up.

When this temporarily single mum had finished explaining her situation,
all of the soldiers huddled together for a brief second. Then one
of the other servicemen pulled out a military looking
walkie-talkie. They started playing with the device and talking
back and forth on it.

After about 10-15 seconds of this, the young soldier walked back
over to Courtney, bent down and said this to her, "I spoke to your
dad and he told me to give this to you." He then hugged this little girl that he had just met and gave her a kiss on the cheek. He finished by saying "Your dad told me to
tell you that he loves you more than anything and he is coming home
as soon as he can."

We need to remember everyday all of our soldiers and their families
and thank God for them and their sacrifices.

Who loves a nasty nanna?

Is it just me or does everyone love a nasty nanna?

Mark was telling us before about his nasty nanna who faked alzheimers just to get out of talking to a relative she didn’t like…

Lots of people have a nasty nanna…but I think my husband John’s Grandma takes the cake…

Grandma lived to be almost one hundred and one, she was a very glamorous woman, truly looking gorgeous until the day she died…

Handsome is as handsome does though…and Grandma never held back…

When she first met me, she opened the door of her nursing home room at Kangaroo Point and said, “Good god, there’s a lot of you isn’t there?”

John and I took her to afternoon tea and over a slice of carrot cake Grandma told me I’d done very well getting engaged to John, “He’s not very good looking but very smart…”

Unexpectedly, when John and I got married, Grandma gifted us with the family silver. John isn’t the oldest boy grandchild and we certainly weren’t the first to get married. I’m sure she only did to piss off the older boy cousins…

Everyone was amazed that she gave it to us, John’s sister Mary told me that when she was a girl, Grandma used to hold up things in her house and say ‘Do you like this Mary?’ and Mary would answer “Oh yes Grandma, it’s beautiful!” To which Grandma would reply “Well you’re not having it, I’m saving it for Helen (…or Faith…some other cousin…)”

Nasty Nasty Nanna!

Finally, we salute you..

Is it just me or does everyone hate injustice?

Today is the 40th anniversary of the battle of Long Tan.

On the 18th of August, 1966 D company, 6th battalion of the Royal Australian Regiment was on patrol outside Nui Dat, when they encountered a North Vietnamese force, moving to attack Nui Dat.

D company numbered 108 men. The enemy numbered at least 1500, maybe 2500.

It was the bloodiest Vietnam battle involving Australians.

In darkness and pouring rain, trapped in a rubber plantation, D company fought off repeated attacks, not just from the North Vietnamese Army, but from Viet Cong irregulars too. Three hours later eighteen Australians lay dead. 24 were wounded. An estimated 245 enemy troops were killed.

And as if that wasn’t bad enough…then came the injustice.

Men who took part in the battle of Long Tan were recommended for a variety of medals, the distinguished service orders and military cross.

When they returned to Australia they found those medals had been downgraded.

Despite the desperate battle and loss of life outside Nui Dat, men who had battled for survival, and saved the lives of others in that rubber plantation were given lower honours than men who had never even seen active service.

Of course, the long tan medal fiasco is a drop in the ocean of the injustice reigned on our Vietnam Vets.

John Howard yesterday apologised for the way Vietnam Vets were treated upon their return from the war, he admits, as a nation, we failed them.

But today, we hope to do better...if you’re a Vietnam vet…whether you’re attending a service of not. Finally, we salute you.

Seaptember 9!

Is it just me or is everyone looking forward to the next 60 days on the hustings? Even if only to see what the dodgy buggers use to bribe a vote out of us….

Premier Pete went to the Governor yesterday to officially seek her approval to go to the people of September 9.

Strangely, hours before he even stepped inside Gov. House, letters started arriving in coast mailboxes, announcing that the Premier had ALREADY in fact called the election, and was looking for their support. Hmmmm.

As political gaffes go, it’s not a huge one to me. I know some people are outraged, blustering about the fact the decision to go to the polls was made way before the public was told…. Well derr… I don’t think many governments would be willing to leave that sort of thing to chance….still, I suppose it’s managed to fill a few pages of newsprint.

The coalition didn’t disappoint either. Freshly minted liberal leader Bruce Flegg announced yesterday that regardless of how many seats the Libs win at the September 9 poll, he will not be premier. Lawrence Springborg is the leader of the co-alition, and that position will not change. You can see it from two points of view I guess, the first being, “That’s great! They coalition is obviously a solid team and subsequently I know who I’m voting for.” Alternatively, you could think, “That’s ridiculous…if I vote liberal, it’s because I want a liberal premier.”

I honestly feel a-political (at least no one party fully represents my views) I am, however, bitterly opposed to the Traveston Dam and I’m waiting to hear what the coalition has to say about it before I decide who gets my vote.

As for health, infrastructure, education and electricity, I think those issues are largely run by public servants. Therefore, even if government changes hands, the main players/management team remain the same…

Having said that, I think we are lucky enough to enjoy pretty good government in Australia. I think Peter Beattie is a strong leader. I feel strongly attracted to Anna Bligh, but I’m not scared of a change of government on September 9 either. Whoever is leader of Queensland on September 10….the sun will certainly still rise on the Sunshine Coast …

School camp!

Is it just me or does everyone recommend a good dose of school camp for every parent?

I had a great time last week (not withstanding –5 degrees at Cania Gorge with nothing for protection but a thin piece of canvas and a couple of Panadol to dull the pain…thank you medicine man).

I just loved spending a week with the kids. Year seven’s are great. No real boy girl angst yet (not withstanding one midnight run by a four man delegation charged with asking out the school captain….)

Most of the time the kids are just great friends…heaps of laughs and lots of love and support between them.

If you’ve ever entertained the thought that teachers don’t earn their money, I think you definitely need a dose of camp…

With a hundred kids on tour, there is never a moment when someone isn’t saying “Excuse me Mrs Burke, my tummy hurts”,
“Can I go and wash my hands?”,
“I’m thirsty and I forgot my water bottle”,
“I’ve lost my hat”,
“I’ve lost my gloves”,
“I can’t find my sleeping bag”,
“Those girls aren’t talking to me…” It is absolutely constant.

Anyone who knows me, knows my parenting style isn’t exactly summed up by the word ‘patience’. It’s more along the lines of, “You’re thirsty? Really? In the middle of nowhere? And you forgot you water bottle? Do you want me to spit in your mouth”

When things are lost I tend to respond with “…Well, retrace your steps sweetheart…BECAUSE I HAVEN’T TOUCHED IT!’ Not exactly helpful I know but not as bad as my friend Lisa Kawolski’s Mum who used to say “Is my face red?” “No Mum” “Well it’s not up my bum then is it…”

Anyway, back to the teachers! I don’t know how many times I heard them say, “Come on…we’ll look for it together!”,
“…Here’s a spare water bottle!”,
“….you can wear my jacket if you’re cold!”,
“..if you can’t walk with the others we’ll stay back together!”

Like I said, I loved it.

And finally, the stuff I wasn’t supposed to tell anyone….
If your kid came on camp and despite the fact they have never taken Panadol before, suddenly consider paracetamol compulsory every four hours…call Bruce Shelton (aka the medicine man) xx

CPM!

Is it just me or is everyone secretly quite fond of Princess Mary?

I’m pretty bored of celebrity photos in general, but did you see the ones of Mary and Fred hooning around the palace in the New Idea yesterday?

Very cute I thought…and I even confess to looking a little closer…just to check that they looked happy…looked loving…chatty…still the fairy tale.

I gooed and gahhed a bit over the baby (wished I was her for a second or two… or at least a princess of some sort) and then went back to my life.

Now you might think I’m a bit sick, that my interest is a little over the top. Trust me, I’m not even in the ball park of weird…

There is a Princess Mary blog. I’ve been on it to have a look hundreds of women from Denmark and Australia are signed on to the message board…to chat ad nauseum about Crown Princess Mary Elizabeth of Denmark (CPM to bloggers)…

Fans pounce on new pictures of CPM to dis-sect it. Where did her handbag come from? How was her make-up applied?

Seriously…. up to 1700 women log on at a time to discuss this stuff and they’re fiercely protective of CPM too.

On the "unsubstantiated pregnancy rumours" thread site, one Australian woman recently suggested CPM might actually be pregnant…just a gut feeling she said….. The discussion was immediately shut down by an official moderater from the site.

When someone else suggested the royal couple had left Prince Christian behind on a trip to Luxembourg, there was outrage: her royal highness would never do such a thing!

There are more than 1000 threads to choose from. On the "Mary's glowing skin" thread, there are tips and products on how to achieve that perfect princess radiance.

On the "Mary's shoes" thread, fellow bloggers will point you to eBay sites where you can buy look-alike pairs, or gaze at close-ups of blisters on the princess's feet.

There's even a thread about "Mary's double ear piercing" (True! Both ears! Wonder if Fred knows a Hobart bogan when he sees one?), complete with close-up shots showing the princess's now dormant extra holes.

But I don’t want to get too cocky…because just when I thought the ‘threads’ were getting ridiculous, what did I find? A discussion thread on "Mary and Fred's loving looks and gestures"…. Aaaahhhhh…..

just in case you want to check it out….
www.crownprincessmary.ipbhost.com

Princess Bitchface...

Is it just me or does everyone worry about teenage girls and their mothers these days?

I have a fifteen year old niece - and a sister who writes me emails every day about the latest tirade of abuse she’s copped from Ellie…

And Ell is a lovely kid - I adore her! But she’s very tough on her Mum and subsequently, my sister invests a lot of time and energy running around from party to shopping centre…to workplace….for not a lot of reward…

I read yesterday about a new book due out next weeks by child psychologist Michael Carr-Gregg, is The Princess Bitchface Syndrome, a guide to managing adolescent girls.

Michael Carr Gregg is actually the "Agony Uncle" for Girlfriend magazine, he’s also the person who invented the cancer charity Can Teen and he says he’s noticed something "terribly wrong" with adolescent girls.

He says “By the time girls turn 13, they look like they're ready for anything. But they're not."

The adolescent brain is not fully formed until the 20s, and today's adolescents are "arguably the most vulnerable generation in Australia's history", says Carr-Gregg.

If you know what he’s talking about, you might like to buy the book for a few pointers.

By the way research has found that children who "butt up against boundaries" develop a part of the brain that doesn't develop in children whose parents don't set limits.

In other words, you can’t expect a kid who has never had to adhere to rules to effectively govern their own behaviour…

Michael Carr-Gregg says in his opinion, no thirteen year old girl needs a ‘best friend’ who’s 45 years old…and if you still don’t see his point, he recommends watching the 2003 movie ‘Thirteen’, starring Holly Hunter.

Holly Hunter plays a well meaning mother who’s daughter is completely off the rails, he says it’s must see viewing for any Mum and Dad who think they don’t need to get tough .

I think it’s a tough gig being a teenager these days…I’m dreading getting there myself with my own daughters…let me know what you think…

School camp!

Is it just me or is everyone not sure if they’re looking forward to next week?

I won’t be at work next week…but I’m not sure you could say I’m going on a holiday.

You see, on Monday morning, I’m hopping on a bus with one hundred stella maris year sevens…for a five day day camping trip to central queensland.

Day one is a 12 hour bus trip to Roma (with comfort stops – I’m assured)…

Out there we’ll go to the cattle sales and check out something called the big rig, before we move on to Carnarvon Gorge and a number of other outback delights.

My daughter Milli was really keen for me to go along…and I’ve never managed to be a reading Mum or do tuck shop…so I thought as her primary school days came to a close it was the least I could do…so I’m off…

I was surprised Mill wanted me to go really…in my experience parents aren’t that well received at camp…

I remember when Beverley Castle’s Mum surprised her on the morning of our year seven camp by pulling her suitcase from behind the car seat and announcing “Surprise…I’m coming too” Beverley burst into tears and had to be consoled for the rest of the day…

Alex Hatch’s Mum went down in history in year six….they served up cabbage and spinach for dinner…Mrs Hatch declared we’d all have either, either or both…and stood over each and every one of us until it was gone…

Then there was the two dad’s on the rotary camp who took along a couple of flagons and went skinny dipping to the amusement of everyone except their own children…
So I know what not to do…when they load my bags on the bus you might hear a suspicious clink clink clink….just to soothe the nerves Mill…and I promise to keep my kit on….

If you ruled the world?

Is it just me or does everyone really enjoy the blog?

Well, obviously you do I guess, because you’re on one now…just in case you’re interested, I get about one and a half thousand hits a months on this site..and you’re one of them…thanks for that!

Anyway, There’s a heaps of great blogs on the Sydney Morning Herald website…one today is called Master of the Universe….everyone who goes on the site is offered seven days to change the world!

My favourite contribution came from someone called ‘anti citizen’ (computer nerds…what more can I say)….here’s what they wrote…

Day One:

Rip up the Holy Lands, shake off the people (gently, cause I don't want to hurt them) and place the Holy Lands in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. Then announce that all mankind has lost the right to these lands because they couldn't share. No it's not fair but tough, life isn't fair. The Holy lands are to be left vacant for all time, if you go there, you will be eaten by a big scary monster.

Day Two:

Transmute all remaining crude oil into wine. Since you can't share or use it responsibly then no one gets any oil. Don't worry, you can be quite clever little ape creatures when you want to be, just use those large monkey brains to come up with a viable alternative.

Day Three:

Force TV executives to stop making reality TV, if you want reality then turn the bloody thing off and go outside.

Day Four:

Ban mullet hairdos, punishable by a trip to the Holy Lands.

Day Five:

Fix it so that politicians are simply incapable of lying to the public that voted for them. Same with corporate execs and their shareholders.

Day Six:

On the subject of sex? Disarm all rapists, announce that sex is not a sin if you do it correctly!

Day Seven and the final:

Walk among the masses and provide cures for all the current crop of incurable but expensively treatable diseases. Then as the sun sets on the seventh day, check and see if anyone notices that vast sums of money are missing from the major religions around the world, or that my bank accounts are now over flowing with cash.

Yasmin's getting married!

Is it just me or is everyone looking forward to Yasmin’s getting married on channel ten tonight?

I know it’s ridiculous, I know there is something desperate and horrible about shoving some poor lonely girl in front of 3000 blokes and expecting her (with the help of a live panel) to marry one of them…

But the tragic romantic in me hopes it works. I really want to like Yasmin and I want her to find a lovely bloke…

Of course if she does my Mum’s mags are going to spend the next ten years salivating over the happy couple’s every move, before you know it they’ll have them split, unfaithful, unhappy, pregnant, re-united and in counselling long before they even think about any of that.

So Yasmin has my sympathy, but she’s a willing participant… and I just can’t wait to see how she goes…

Having said that, the courier mail has listed the top six ingredients for a happy relationship according to QUT psychology and counselling lecturer Zoe Pearce:

1. Effective communication skills – being able to talk to your partner when you have a problem.

2. A shared sense of ownership of the relationship, it’s future direction and expectations.

3. A deep sense of trust.

4. An ability to experience intimacy – and not just in the sack!!!

5. A desire to experience new and novel things together – research shows it improves relationship satisfaction

6. Physical attraction is very important at the start but tends to disappear over time. It may be what draws you initially but it won’t keep you attracted …

So there you go…good luck Yasmin…see you in New Idea.