Stupid statistics!

Is it just me or is everyone glad Mrs Pollard taught me the uses and abuses of graphs in year 10?

Yesterday I read a new survey which claimed half of Australian women have had a "booty call" friend at one stage in their life.

Apparently, in a study of more than 650 women of all ages, 53 per cent admitted to having a mate for regular but non-committed sex during their lifetime.

Sexologist Stacey Demarco said this type of relationship offered women a safer sexual environment than a classic one night stand.

But it still allowed them to be emotionally unattached.

I don’t mind if people think they’re happier with the odd booty call…knock yourself out…but 53 per cent of all Australian women? Your MUM??? Your Nanna?

I don’t think so…..

Now I have opinions about booty calls…I question whether girls are very good at casually doing the deed….I think we invest more emotion in the ufty magoofty than we sometimes pretend we do….but that’s another is it just me…

This is really about stupid surveys…there’s another one out now that says 60 per cent of married people are currently engaged in an extra marital affair…

Yeah! Sixty percent of the lying infidels they surveyed….

If you don’t believe me…you ask Mrs Pollard…you can make statistics say anything you like…

Although to be honest…I’m a little bit disappointed…because My Mum and I share a house…so statistically one of us is enjoying the odd booty call…I know it’s not me…so it has to be Mama…and just quietly, a small part of me would actually like to see that!

Reluctant hero!

Is it just me or does everyone think it sometimes is possible to do extra ordinary things?

You might have heard of the pride of Australia medal in the Courier Mail…more than one thousand two hundred entries were received, the finalists have been announced and one of them is 11-year-old Angus Campbell from Peregian Beach.

In February this year, Angus brought his father Warren back to life after he suffered a severe asthma attack at home.

I was talking to Warren yesterday, he has very severe asthma, and on this particular day he said he collapsed and went into complete respiratory arrest. He says Angus didn’t muck around.

He rang triple 0 straight away and on their instruction, managed to not only resuscitate his dad, but for 10 whole terrible minutes, Angus took directions and gave Warren mouth-to-mouth until help arrived. Warren says he’s very grateful for what Angus did…he wouldn’t be here otherwise.

Warren nominated Angus for the Pride of Australia Medal in the category of Young Aussie, which will be awarded to someone under 18 who has demonstrated outstanding resolve, mature judgment and moral character beyond their years.

The winner will be announced in Brisbane this Friday…but Warren says Angus is over the accolades…not even that keen on going to the awards in Brissy…turns out not everyone is a big show off like me!

But I think you’re a hero Angus, and your dad is very very proud of you.

Terrible tragedy!

Is it just me or does everyone hate the thought that they might not be able to trust their dog alone with a child?

Tom Wilson thought he was a good judge of animals - he had been a drover, and owned dogs all of his life. Then he found four-year-old Tyra Kuehne in his backyard on Wednesday night. Mauled to death by three hunting dogs the little girl had known all her life.

Mr Wilson reportedly wants the dogs shot today.

Little Tyra lived in the same street of Warren as Mr Wilson.

On Wednesday afternoon, she came wandering down the road with a dead chicken she’d found that she wanted to feed to the dogs…Mr Wilson’s son Joel, who was heading off to work at the time intercepted her… he grabbed the chicken and took Tyra home to her Mum…

At seven o’clock that night Mr Wilson himself arrived home from work and Tyra’s mother was there…Tyra had been missing since 5pm….Mr Wilson said she wasn’t there and joined the hunt in the street.

All of a sudden he head the dogs, and realised the two males had broken free of their chains.

He went out the back and said at first he thought the dogs were playing with a doll…

He said the dogs walked over to him like they had done nothing wrong..

The fact of the matter was Tyra visited those dogs every day.
Mr Wilson said he went over to where the lifeless little body was lying..
“I turned the little darling over. It was Tyra."

Mr Wilson could do nothing to save the girl.
"I ran out the front, told her mother that she's in the backyard and the dogs, or dog, have attacked her. Her mother screamed frantically, 'Bring her out.' I said, 'I can't."'

It turned out little Tyra was still breathing..slightly…but she was pronounced dead at 3am..
It’s a terrible tragedy…

The three dogs are now at the pound in Dubbo. Mr Wilson wants them shot.

Mr Wilson thought himself a good judge of a dog's nature - the attack on Tyra was "right out of the dogs' character", he said. "I wouldn't like anyone on earth to go through what our families are going through at the moment. I wouldn't wish that on the devil himself. What dogs do you trust? Fucking None.”

Missing pussy!!!

Lots of Mrs Slocombe jokes...thanks for those!

The good news is though, little Frankie - the wayward Puss is home!

It's a long story but it turns out he was nicking off to a certain house round the corner...lovely people, they weren't encouraging him, but he was taking refuge in their garage.

For a little advice, I called Doctor Harry from Better Homes and Gardens and it turns out we should never have bought two male cats!!!

Even though they look like they are getting on, Noah (Milli's white cat) is the dominant male. Basically, what that means is he owns the house and while he's not outwardly aggressive to Frank, he is making it quite clear that Frank can sod off! Frank, therefore, as he approaches adulthood is just looking for a little space of his own...

Dr Harry says we have only one choice...and that's to lock him up at ALL times...he says it will be impossible to keep him there otherwise...it's not that he's unhappy...he just wants a bit of space to call his own, poor baby...

I am trying to talk John into letting Frank sleep with Jemima now, because Noah never goes in the girl's bedroom and I thought Frank might be able to take a bit of ownership there...John's not keen....negotiations continue!

Sole Survivors!

Is it just me or does everyone hope to make a difference?

There is an amazing sunshine coast psychologist called Robi Sonderegger…I’ve talked about him before, his is devoted to child victims of war in Northern Uganda.

Northern Uganda is a terrible place for a child to live, a rebel army has turned the region into hell on earth.

Children are regularly stolen from their families, forced to watch as their own family members are killed, raped, sold into slavery and made to fight.

Robi is trying to rehabilitate these damaged children…give them trauma counselling and show them the healing power of love.

In the next year, Robi, through his family challenge organisation hopes to rehabilitate one million men women and children…and he has an idea…

Every single person he attracts to his clinics…he wants to give a pair of shoes.

No children in Northern Uganda wear shoes…not some children…no children in Northern Uganda wear shoes…the adults who wear shoes are generally in refashioned car tyres…true story…

But Robi needs a million pairs of shoes…you’re going to hear a lot more about it during the month of august…with some help from Win television the Sunshine Coast Daily and Mix FM the sunshine coast is going to make a difference…I am sure of it…

The first event is this Monday night at Birch Carol and Coyle…the premiere of the movie Live and Become has been donated to Robi…by Chris and the team at the cinema…tickets are ten dollars a head…and we want you to bring along a pair of shoes to give to a Ugandan…maybe even take off the shoes you’re wearing and walk home in your socks…a small sacrifice for a nation that deserves a break…

If you want to find out more…the website is www.thefrontline.org.au

Shopping Rage!!!!

Is it just me or does everyone think groceries are not worth getting upset about?

I think we have all experienced a little trolley rage at some time or another.

A 38 year old man was in court yesterday after an incident over a forgotten lettuce.

The father of two was in line at Bilo when he decided to run back to fruit and veg…he returned to the checkout to find the man behind him in line was trying to move his trolley out of the line…a bit of push and shove ensued…and the 38 year old was charged with unlawful assault…a charge dismissed by the judge yesterday…

Doing the shopping is annoying…there’s no doubt about it…but it’s not worth getting upset about.

About three years ago I was in the express lane at Woolies in the Big Top.

I need to point out here, that I try NOT to put my fruit and veges in plastic bags…just keep my cucs and caps loose, if you know what I mean...my little concession to the environment.

Anyway…on this particular day, if you counted each different capsicum and apple in my basket, I had more than 12 items…but it was only about four items that needed to be rung up..

As I was waiting in line, the man behind me was lining up to buy a carton of soft drink cans (it was probably heavy)….anyway, he started to mutter. He had obviously seen the fruit and vege in my basket and was irate that there was more than 12 things in there..

Mutter Mutter…on he goes, getting louder and louder…

I was really embarrassed, but I didn’t want to cause a scene, so I was just trying to ignore him. However, but when it came to my turn, the girl serving had had enough.
She turned to him and said, “Excuse me sir, if you look carefully you’ll see…” and that’s about as far as she got.

The man lifted his soft drink carton right above his head and slammed it down as hard as he could on the checkout…it was like a bomb went off!!!

Everyone in the shop gasped and turned around, just as he shoved me out of the way and stormed out of the shopping centre…
Everyone was shocked, but I was a bit nervous…I had to walk to my car by myself! I was scared he was going to be lurking in the car park waiting to count my apples…

Missing pussy!

Is it just me or is everyone a little bit worried this morning?

Father Christmas bought our girls kittens last year.

Frank and Noah are their names, Frank is Jemima’s baby…named after Frank Sinatra…her favourite singer….he’s a big black cat now…with a massive appetite and a love of sleep…

Sadly…we haven’t seen him since Friday….

We know he wouldn’t stay away by choice…his brother is waiting for him at home, not to mention his favourite bean bag….a lovely big bowl of bilo tuna and his very sad owner…

We know he probably doesn’t know his road rules…but we’ve driven the streets and haven’t found his body…so we’re still hopeful…

I had a cat that went missing for two weeks once, we obviously never found out where he had been…but he dragged himself into the kitchen one evening, starving scrawny and very very glad to be home…

Our best missing pet story happened about five years ago though…on Afl grand final day…john and I locked ourselves in the bedroom to watch the match…and when we came out …our dog Oscar was gone…

We drove the streets…our neighbours drove the streets….three or four trips to the pound later…we were convinced Oscar had either been stolen or hit by a car…

Nearly a week later…on the Thursday…John got a call from a bloke in Bundaberg….he said he’d been passing through the sunshine coast when he saw a dog that looked like it was going to get hit by a car…

He said he had no time to stop, so he grabbed Oscar and threw him in the back of the ute with his own dog…did what he had to do in Bundy…and when he was ready to come home, tracked us down through Oscars collar…and bob’s your uncle…we got our dog back and Oscar had a lovely holiday in Bundy…

World cup ball out...I mean fall out....

Is it just me or does everyone wonder what went on in the final of the world cup soccer between italy and france?

What insult caused French Captain Zinedane Zidane to head butt mattarazzi so violently, ending his career with a red card.

The French public has forgiven Zidane…the prime minister has called him a hero who defended his families honour like a man.

What was actually said is now the source of world wide speculation.

Two lip reading experts have claimed the insult was along the lines of ‘your mother is a terrorist prostitute’…

Mattarazzi himself says it was about Zizou's shirt and the fact that Zidane is arrogant. Matterazzi says he was trying to upset the 34 year old by holding his shirt and tweaking his nipple. He says Zidane turned around and said, "Iif you want my shirt so much I’ll give it to you later..just get off me1" To which Mattarazzi claims he replied "I’d rather take the shirt off your wife…" (Truly Italian insult don't you think?) and then came the head butt…

Zidane himself has another story…the father of four says Mattarazzi insulted both his mother and his sister with very hard words. He says some things are bigger than football and he couldn’t call himself a man if he didn’t defend his families honour…

He has said he is sorry but does not regret his angry outburst and neither do his family apparently.

Zizou's mother says she is disgusted by what Matterazzi said, she has praised her son for his actions and is calling for Matterazzi’s balls on a platter…

I wonder where where Zizou gets his angry streak from????

Little Johnny...

If you're watching the liberal leadership tussle...you might like this one...

Dave from Central Coast Milk in Nambour sent it to me!!!


A young man named Johnny bought a donkey from a farmer for $100. The
farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day. When the farmer drove
up the next day, he said, "Sorry son, I have some bad news. The
donkey is on my truck, but I'm afraid he's dead.". Johnny replied, "Well
then, just give me my money back."

The farmer said, "I can't do that. I went and spent it already."
Johnny said, "Just unload the donkey anyway."
The farmer asked, "What are you going to do with him?"

Johnny said, "I'm going to raffle him off."

The farmer exclaimed, "You can't raffle off a dead donkey!"

But Johnny, with a big smile on his face, said "O yes I can. Watch me. I
just won't tell anybody that he's dead."

A month later the farmer met up with Johnny and asked, "What happened
with that dead donkey?"

Johnny said, "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a
piece and made a profit of $798.00."

Totally amazed, the farmer asked, "Didn't anyone complain that you had
stolen their money because you lied about the donkey being dead?"

Johnny replied, "The only guy who found out about the donkey being dead
was the raffle winner, when he came to claim his prize. So I gave him
his $2 back plus $200 extra, which is double the going value
of a donkey, so he thought I was a really great guy."

Johnny grew up and eventually became the Prime Minister of Australia,
and no matter how many times he lied or how much money he took from
Aussie voters, as long as he gave them back some of the money, most of
them thought he was a great guy.

Howard and Costello...

Is it just me or is everyone reminded this week of the leadership battle between Paul Keating and Bob Hawke?

Around the mid nineties we were having these same discussions about when Keating should ascend the leadership. After everyone pretended for a while that all was well within the Labor cabinet, it quickly descended into an ugly leadership challenge…and didn’t that go well?

Keating won the battle with Hawke but lost the war with Australia…and where are they now???

The battle between John Howard and Peter Costello is pretty similar. In the dying days of Alexander Downers short reign they were both eyeing off the leadership. The way the story goes, John Howard asked Peter Costello for a free shot at the leadership, the opportunity to avoid a party room vote. In the same meeting, Mr Howard said he only wished to serve two terms as Prime Minister and would be happy to hand over the reigns to his deputy in good time…

12 years later, Peter Costello is still waiting in the wings. After years of gentle needling over the deal, he and his supporters have decided to make their move, regardless of whether it damages the government apparently.

Mr Costello is trying very hard to look like the good guy in the debate. He wants everyone to know he has never told anyone about the conversation with John Howard, that he’s only speaking about it now because others have brought it up..

He has repeatedly made the point that when Mr Howard failed to hand over the leadership, he didn’t sulk, but got on with the job of running the nations economy.

But where to now for Howard and Costello? They have backed themselves into a very tight corner. Clearly they can’t stand each other.

Bottom line though, John Howard is still the boss….and therefore, the ball is really in Peter Costello’s court…

While he says this is not a leadership challenge, if it’s not, then what is it? Peter Costello was supposed to fly to Africa today…he’s cancelled that trip…

He and Mr Howard will have to face each other in the party room today and I guess it can only go one way. Peter Costello will have to challenge for the leadership or move quietly to the back bench…

Sporting legends...

Is it just me or does everyone like sport more for the politics than the actual game?

I love the push and shove…the stories and the legends…

Mark is disgusted in the way I jumped off the soccer bandwagon as soon as the Socceroos were robbed…

But I have no choice…I can only get interested in sport when I’m familiar with the players….sport isn’t actually that interesting to me…it’s the players that I like.

The fact that Italy won the world cup on penalties…that’s why I’m interested in sport…

And there’s been some great sporting politics in Australia this week…

On Saturday night Andrew Johns scored enough points to be named highest point scorer in the history of the game…a fantastic feat.

All the talk though was about how he had snubbed the ceremony organised to honour the event…why…because his milestone came in a match where his beloved knights were humiliated by Parramatta…

There’s a lot of ranting about bad sportsmanship…but I get it….Andrew Johns wouldn’t be the player he is without passion for his team…

And also in Rugby League…


Did you hear the one about the Wally Lewis medal winner at the State of Origin last week..

The Wally Lewis medal is awarded to the player of the series…

Apparently, with ten minutes to go, when it seemed Queensland was going to be beaten AGAIN..King Wally was handed an envelope with the winners name…
Then, out of the blue, Darren Lockyer snatched a try which snatched the game and the series…and a female official came running at Wally with a new envelope…I guess we’ll never know which blue got robbed at the eleventh hour…

Luck's a fortune....

Is it just me or does everyone wish they were a lucky bugger?

There are some amazing tales of luck in the paper today.

On the front page of the Courier Mail is the tale of a Cloncurry man whose barren block of land has made him an on paper one hundred millionaire Apparently Wayne McCrae has been telling people for years the block could be the biggest copper mine in the world…and now it seems the experts agree with him. Wayne’s company shares have been worth 3c each for years…this week they jumped to ten dollars a share…WOOHOO!


A couple in their 50’s who live in Kalgoorlie WA have won 25 million dollars in OZ Lotto. It’s the first time they’ve ever played OZ Lotto.

A Queensland university dropout has won more an one million dollars playing poker in Las Vegas. There’s someone unlucky in his tale though, apparently this 22 year old broke up with his girl friend a couple of months ago when she got sick of his dream to be a professional poker player…

And the last lucky bugger is a Gold Coast cabbie who you might have seen on the Denton show ‘Enough Rope’ on Monday night. Gerard Donaghy was apparently hilarious on the show…Eddie Mcguire saw it, and two days ago signed Gerard on to channel nine as a roving reporter.

Gerard says he still doesn’t know what Channel nine actually wants him to do…but no doubt he’s very happy to be on a retainer.

A spokesperson from Nine says Gerard’ll most likely be a roving reporter on the footy show…a bit like the deli guy on Dave Letterman. But I love it. What a great story.

I love a lucky bugger…just wish I could get some of that action myself!

Great letter...regarding the dam..

Hi Caroline,

My name is Ashleigh Ensbey, I am 16 years old and I live on a cattle property which lies in the propsed Traveston Dam catchment area. We received notification from the government, informing us that our property may need to be resumed, after the bomb-shell announcement was dropped on us. This bomb-shell announcement seemed ridiculous to us, and we didn't really think such an idea would be possible, however, when we received the government letter, the reality of the proposal really hit home.

After living here for 12 years, going to school in Kandanga, and becoming a 'local' in the Mary Vallery area, this announcement created total devastation for me. I soon realised that this dam would have not one positive effect on me, my family, or the community. We have grown up on tank water, saving every drop, and when Premier Beattie quoted that we QLD's use 370 litres a day, I was horrified. How is it possible to use such excessive amounts? How can you find ways to waste water like that? This dam is really not fair!

I understand that a solution to our water crisis is needed, soon, however i don't think that a dam is a solution, especially this dam. If the dam was to go ahead, Beattie wants it completed by 2011, 'completed' meaning the actual dam wall to be constructed. That is at least five years down the track. After the wall is constructed, who knows how long the dam will actually take to 'fill'? There is such a wide expanse of flat land that the dam could spread over, so if it didn't turn into a swamp, Brisbane wouldn't even have water for several years after the wall is constructed. Brisbane needs water NOW, and there are better alternatives that could fix the problem much sooner.

The evidence that has been found all stacks up against this proposal. The more water people have, the more they will waste. This smart state is planning to ruin a true natural icon (The Mary River), and its endangered species, not just the cod, turtle and lungfish, but also the down-to-earth farmers. This prime farmland cannot be replaced, and we need a smarter solution for our smart state.

Thank you for taking your time to hear about this damned dam, and GO QUEENSLANDER!!
Ashleigh.

Traveston tragedy!

Is it just me or does everyone feel like a country cousin today?

Peter Beattie is coming to Gympie today, to reveal his plans to flood the Mary Valley.

Every-one agrees, we don’t have enough water.

According to the Sunshine Coast Environment Council Website, the Beattie Government has been told that because of population growth southeast Queensland will run out of water as early as June 2008.

The Government needs to do something, and Premier Pete has decided to hang tough in Gympie…today he is expected to announce that 900 properties will be resumed at the Traveston site. 900….Essentially, because Brisbane doesn’t get enough rain.

There’s a lot of great information in today’s sunshine coast daily…one letter to the editor from David Wise of Palmwoods is interesting…he calls on Peter Beattie to investigate
Recycled effluent…rather than turn the pristine Mary River into a giant cistern for Brisbane’s toilets…

Because that’s the issue isn’t it…Mr Beattie knows how unpopular the Traveston decision is in this region…but he’s counting on the voters of Brisbane to save him at the next election…interesting co-incidence too that the Traveston site falls largely in two electorates not held by the Beattie Government.

I understand the government is facing a water crisis. But there’s got to be a better way…another letter to the editor in todays daily is a beauty.

Gail Godwin of Gympie calls for a smaller dam at Amamoor (Peter Wellington told me that was where the government was always supposed to go)…

Or what about increasing the size of the Borumba Dam…

And most importantly, lets get smarter. A new Dam at Traveston…sure…but if we don’t start using water more wisely…where will we put the next dam…because we’re bound to need one…

Why shouldn’t every single household in south east queensland have a water tank. Charge people more for water. Make them think about that ten minute shower. Subsidise water saving devices.

900 families hearts are going to be broken today. In some cases, a century of farming heritage will be sacrificed…a cemetery…personal burial plots and some of the most beautiful and productive farming land in Queensland will be sunk…literally…

All because our voting power doesn’t scare Peter Beattie.

If you want to join the public meeting today…it’s One O’clock at the Gympie Showgrounds, corner of Exhibition and Johnson Roads Gympie.

Fatal turn off!

Is it just me or does everyone admit to just a little discrimination?

I went to see ‘The Break Up’ yesterday…the film starring Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn…who I normally love…

But, sadly, I don’t think our relationship will ever be the same…Vince and mine that is….

In the movie, Vince’s character, Gary, a grown man, loves video games and fails to pay attention to his girlfriend, because he likes video games so much.

Like I said, that’s it for me and Vince, I could never entertain a relationship with a grown up who liked video games…

I actually have a bag of these turn off issues, I know, I’m a very nasty person…but here goes….

I don’t like bad table manners (blame my dad for that…he was a table manners nazi)…

I don’t like boys who grunt…I’m happy if people don’t want to talk, but at least be polite…

Man-bags are a problem too…I don’t think I could even leave the house with a bloke carrying a man bag

What about manicured nails on a bloke…especially long nails…

And what about people who refuse to eat vegetables? Or won’t try new food? I have an uncle who I love to distraction, but he is a chops and mash man only with the frozen pea thrown in. We wouldn’t have survived the first date.

I have a friend who rules girls with ugly feet out (I don’t think I would have made the first date with him…)

John’s sister culls bad spellers…

I know another guy who has some nipple issues (once dropped a girl who he discovered was hiding ‘dinner plates’ under her bra…very harsh)

Anyway….let me know your fatal turn off…