Party Party Party!!!
Is it just me or does everyone think the office Christmas party is fraught with danger?
Ours is this weekend and I can’t wait…I love nothing more than being inappropriate.
In the US, it’s being reported that office parties are being cancelled this year left right and centre. The ones that are still running are apparently not even allowed to be called Christmas parties anymore…
So, if you’re a boss who knows his staff have the tendency to slurp down a few sherbets and then start photocopying their nether regions, going the pash or anything else that might be deemed fun….you might want to put a stop to it now.
Slate.com, a great website has a solution….they recommend the following be attached to every invitation you send out this year:
WARNING: You are herein invited to attend a Holiday Party. Should you choose to attend this event, you are herein advised that you do so at your own peril.
Food served may be manufactured in factories that may contain machinery that may have touched peanuts.
In the absence of any coherent party-based sexual-harassment policy, you are warned that any hugging/touching/casual flirting/wine-stem fondling/hair tossing/breast gazing/butt grabbing will be deemed actionable at law.
All guests must maintain a 5-foot distance from all others at all times (spouses included).
Appropriate topics for conversation are: work; sports; light political banter; reality-television shows. Any unapproved conversational topics shall be cleared in advance by the Human Resources department.
All dance moves shall be preapproved by the HR department. Seminars on these moves shall be conducted twice daily in the small conference room on the second floor between now and the day of the party.
All closets, conference rooms, restrooms, and other possible areas of sexual misconduct are to be padlocked for the duration of the event.
Small children are to be chaperoned at all times. Any child found playing or otherwise conducting himself in a childlike manner will be summarily removed from the premises.
Once again, we wish you and yours a very happy holiday season, and hope to make this year's office party the best ever.
Ours is this weekend and I can’t wait…I love nothing more than being inappropriate.
In the US, it’s being reported that office parties are being cancelled this year left right and centre. The ones that are still running are apparently not even allowed to be called Christmas parties anymore…
So, if you’re a boss who knows his staff have the tendency to slurp down a few sherbets and then start photocopying their nether regions, going the pash or anything else that might be deemed fun….you might want to put a stop to it now.
Slate.com, a great website has a solution….they recommend the following be attached to every invitation you send out this year:
WARNING: You are herein invited to attend a Holiday Party. Should you choose to attend this event, you are herein advised that you do so at your own peril.
Food served may be manufactured in factories that may contain machinery that may have touched peanuts.
In the absence of any coherent party-based sexual-harassment policy, you are warned that any hugging/touching/casual flirting/wine-stem fondling/hair tossing/breast gazing/butt grabbing will be deemed actionable at law.
All guests must maintain a 5-foot distance from all others at all times (spouses included).
Appropriate topics for conversation are: work; sports; light political banter; reality-television shows. Any unapproved conversational topics shall be cleared in advance by the Human Resources department.
All dance moves shall be preapproved by the HR department. Seminars on these moves shall be conducted twice daily in the small conference room on the second floor between now and the day of the party.
All closets, conference rooms, restrooms, and other possible areas of sexual misconduct are to be padlocked for the duration of the event.
Small children are to be chaperoned at all times. Any child found playing or otherwise conducting himself in a childlike manner will be summarily removed from the premises.
Once again, we wish you and yours a very happy holiday season, and hope to make this year's office party the best ever.
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home